A Second to Breathe
by Cae Thomas aka CNL
Summary: In order to hold on to that true love and make it work, sometimes you just have to ask the right questions. -Adam Lambert    Adam/Tommy


_Hey, slow it down_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

"Adam, we need to talk."

The glam rocker's smile faded as he looked into his bassist-turned-lover's eyes. The seriousness of those eyes worried him. His heart began to beat a little faster.

"What's wronger, Glitterbaby?" Adam asked.

"Please, don't. This is serious, Adam," Tommy replied, his eyes avoiding the singer's. The fear rose, encasing Adam's heart in its icy grip.

_Yeah, I'm afraid_

_Whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

"I can't do this anymore. I can't take the stress."

"What are you talking about, Tommy?" Adam questioned, confused.

"I'm talking about us. This whole twisted relationship. It started out as a joke, you know? The kiss at the AMA was all in fun. It turned into a routine—every show, and that was fine. God knows the fans love it. When I told you I was falling in love with you, I thought I made it clear that I was still figuring things out. I wanted to keep our relationship a secret, just until things got clearer and I knew for sure."

"You did make that clear, and I agreed to it. It's your life, Tommy. It's your decision to make, on your own time."

"Then why are you pushing me?"

_There might have been a time_

_When I would give myself away_

_Once upon a time I didn't give a damn_

"I'm not—"

"You _are_, Adam. Whether you realize it or not, you are. I love you, Adam. You know that I do, but…I'm just not ready for the world to know yet. And once it's out, it's out for good. There'll be no taking it back. I want to be absolutely sure. I don't want to hurt you."

"Since when did you start caring what everyone else thinks?"

"I've always cared, Adam. I just didn't let you see it."

_But now here we are_

_So whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

"What more do you want from me, Tommy?" Adam shouted. They'd been fighting off and on for the past week, alternating between screaming matches and long periods of icy silence before something would trigger another argument. "I'm trying to understand this whole thing. I'm doing my best to be supportive, but I don't get what it is that you want me to do. So please, just say it. What do you want from me?"

_Just don't give up_

_I'm working it out_

_Please don't give in_

_I won't let you down_

"I want you to understand how hard this is for me. You remember what it was like to wonder about your sexuality. You didn't live twenty-seven years thinking you were straight only to find out that may have all been a lie."

"It doesn't mean it was a lie, Tommy. I just…"

"What? It just what, Adam?" Adam looked up at him in silence, not knowing what to say. "That's what I thought." Tommy sighed, running a hand through his blonde hair as he turned away from the singer. "I need a break, Adam."

_It messed me up_

_Need a second to breathe_

_Just keep coming around_

_Hey, whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

"You're leaving me, aren't you?" Adam asked, feeling himself go numb.

"Yes." The numbness disappeared, quickly replaced by anger, the strong desire to throw something.

"So that's you're solution—run away? Fuck, Tommy. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

Tommy's jaw clenched. "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, Adam." He turned and moved down the hall to their bedroom, aware that Adam was following him. He didn't care anymore. He just wanted out.

_Yeah, it's plain to see_

_That baby you're beautiful_

_And there's nothing wrong with you_

Adam stepped around the corner and froze. Tommy had pulled a bag from beneath the bed, started packing. Adam felt his chest tighten. He couldn't breathe. It was different when it was just empty words, but now it was actions and Tommy was really leaving. Adam panicked, all anger flooding out of him. Fear was taking over.

"Tommy—Glitterbaby—please!" he exclaimed, stepping into the room and gripping Tommy's arm, spinning him around to look him in the eye. "Please don't do this. We can work through this, baby. I know we can." Tommy shook his head.

"It's beyond that, Adam. I need some time to think," he replied, wrenching his arm out of the singer's grip and moving back to the closet. Adam backed against the wall, hoping it would hold him up. His knees were weak. This couldn't be happening. He left the room, marching determinedly into the kitchen. He felt the familiar ache at the back of his throat and shook his head. He would not cry. Tears would get him nowhere right now. He poured himself a glass of water, drinking it down as leaned over the sink, trying to calm himself down.

_It's me, I'm a freak, yeah_

_But thanks for loving me_

'_Cause you're doing it perfectly_

He felt eyes on his back and turned. Tommy was standing at the front door, his packed bag in one hand, his other resting on the doorknob. This was it. Adam opened his mouth to speak, but Tommy turned away, opening the door and stepping outside, slamming it shut behind him. Adam let his gaze fall to the floor, defeated.

_There might have been a time_

_When I would let you slip away_

_I wouldn't even try_

_But I think you can save my life_

Adam climbed into the back of the limo and sighed in relief as the door shut behind, blocking out the screaming fans and the bright flash of cameras. That interview was the last thing he'd wanted to do that night. It was so hard to keep up the happy-go-lucky rock star front, hard to keep smiling when he knew Tommy wasn't there waiting for him backstage with Monte, Isaac, and Cam. He rode home in silence, glad to be out of the car and back in the seclusion of his own home.

He slipped out into his back yard, staring up at the stars. He remembered sitting out here with Tommy and just talking. They'd learned so much about each other, had shared so many stories. Adam had never been so open with anyone. He felt his throat clench and closed his eyes. It had been three days since Tommy had left, and he hadn't cried yet. Whether that was good or not, he didn't know. It didn't much matter because his strength was giving out. He walls of feigned indifference were crashing down around him, letting the pain and the fear and the silence drown him. He sank to his knees on the patio, his shoulders rocking as he sobbed into his hands.

_Just don't give up_

_I'm working it out_

_Please don't give in_

_I won't let you down_

The phone rang. There was a click as the answering machine picked up and Monte's voice could be heard drifting in from the kitchen, saying how worried the band was about him and that he should call one of them so they'd know he was alright. Adam ignored it. He was sunk down on the couch, his eyes clued to a photo of he and Tommy held carefully in one hand. They'd taken it on tour together. It was one of the rare times Tommy had actually smiled for a picture. Adam couldn't get past how beautiful he looked and how much brighter his eyes seemed in that frozen moment.

_It messed me up_

_Need a second to breathe_

_Just keep coming around_

_Hey, whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_

Adam stared out the window without really seeing anything. He wrapped the blankets tighter around him, kicking the pillows out of his way as he scrunched himself into a ball at the center of the bed. Tommy had been gone three weeks now, and no one had heard from him. He hadn't been in touch with any of the others, hadn't updated his Twitter page. He'd disappeared. And Adam was feeling the loss. He hadn't left bed for two and half days, and wasn't planning to any time soon. The tour was scheduled to pick back up in a week or two, but even that seemed unimportant. He was numb to the world.

_Just don't give up on me_

_I won't let you down_

_No, I won't let you down_

He didn't hear the front door open, didn't hear a bag drop in the hall. He was oblivious to the footsteps on the hardwood floors, didn't even notice someone was in the house until the bedroom door opened. Adam turned and felt the numbness fade away, felt himself being lifted from the darkness as he looked past blonde hair into brown eyes that he would know anywhere.

"Tommy," he whispered, his voice hoarse. The blonde moved forward, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling his glam rocker into his arms. "You came back." Tommy nodded.

"I love you, Adam."

_Whataya want from me?_

_Whataya want from me?_


End file.
